I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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