so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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