Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
