am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
