then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm like, not good at living.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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