very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
