Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
