I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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