it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
