Can i not drive my cunt home
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
