so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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