How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
