I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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