Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
