I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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