I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
