i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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