yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
