Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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