drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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