thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
