you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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