i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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