his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
