guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize