I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
