Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think my fart just growled at me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
