32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
