there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
