i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
