Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
