My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
