What did we do last night that was yellow?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
