I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
