Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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