drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
