In the future we'll all be gay
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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