I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
