The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
