Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
