that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
