i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
