Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
