just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
