yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
