I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
