u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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