when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
