Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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