Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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