so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
